Comfortable Connected Friendships - Find a Sookie or be a Sookie

Don't you love how connected everyone is in Stars Hollow?  I especially love Sookie and Lorelai's friendship with each other.  They seem to know each other better than they know themselves.  They are always showing up for each other.  They aren't just polite adult friends (think Emily Gilmore and her friends), they are real friends!  Part of the magic of Stars Hollow is how connected people seem to their friends. 

Sometimes I really miss connection.

Yes, I have great friends, I am married, I have kids, I go to church, I get on Facebook and read peoples blogs.   

I am talking about the kind of connection I haven't had in ten years (yes...I was only 17 at that time)!

As crazy as those teenage years were, we always had time for our friends!  It seems like we were always cheering someone up, making someone feel special, stopping by to visit, giving each other rides, lending each other clothes, leaving a note on someone's car, sharing how excited, in love, or heartbroken we were, celebrating someone's birthday or achievement, spending the night, eating out, sneaking out, trying out, and countless other things together.   

I so miss the days when people just stopped by each other's houses, whether it was friends to see my mom, friends to see me, neighbors saying hi or kids selling rocks (okay, that was me, but 20 years ago). 

Times have changed and now we get on Facebook to say hi to our neighbors, if we know them at all!  We send a text saying "hope everything is all right" to a friend in need instead of driving to her house, knocking on the door, and inviting yourself in to work through whatever is going on with her.

Really, how boring would Gilmore Girls have been if Sookie and Lorelai would have texted each other with a lame "hope everything is fine" instead of every time they showed up for each other?

I love that they were those type of girlfriends that most of us have forgotten how to be.  They care about each other enough to tell each other the truth when needed, like when someone is doing things to hurt themselves without knowing it, or they really are just wrong. 

I love that they  really know each other.  I think a lot of us as adults start to feel after awhile, "does anyone really know me anymore?"  Sometimes we aren't even sure if we know ourselves.  We can lose ourselves in our work, in raising our kids, or our other responsibilities.

When we have healthy, vibrant connections with kindred spirits we are able to live more passionate beautiful lives.  We blossom as individuals, which makes us better moms, wives, employees, etc.

We need to keep growing.

We need friendships. 

Healthy ones.  Growing ones.  Old friendships are fine, if they are still alive and growing.  If not, you need to make new ones, or add life back to the ones you have.

Start by being  a good friend.  Call, show up, remember what's going on for them, celebrate them, pay attention when things don't seem right with them, spend time with them, surprise them. 

Don't force a friendship that isn't meant to be.  We all change and sometimes it's okay to move on and let your memories be. As you reach out, you will be able to feel if this person wants to be as connected as you do.  Don't be hurt if the feeling isn't mutual.  You just had practice at being a kind and caring human being.  But don't keep pouring yourself into a relationship that isn't mutually felt or beneficial.  It will be worth it to keep looking and find your Sookie.   

Sometimes it really is time to make new friends for the stage of life you are in now. There are some friendships that are meant to last a lifetime, and if that's the case, it's time you start enjoying that friendship for all it is meant to be.

Sookie adds that sweet feeling of HOME to Gilmore Girls.  She is caring, bubbly, and funny.  She is open and honest.  She bakes yummy food.  She is just so herself and lights up a space with her big smile.  In this fast, impersonal world we all need some Sookie!  Whether we find an amazing individual who brings some of that homemade cookies feeling  to our lives or we work on becoming more of that type of a friend, it's going to make our Stars Hollow that much sweeter. 
      
Do something today.

Do something to make your life feel warmer and sweeter by being the type of connected friend who shows up in the story of our own lives. 

Really, what is life without friends to love and laugh with?     

(And it WILL make you a better wife, mother, writer, doctor, lawyer......you will have more of yourself to share and more to give all around.)

Snuggle In at Home - but not for too long

I just woke up to a rainy, cool, overcast day and I immediately thought of the Gilmore Girls in sweaters and bunny rabbit slippers curled up in blankets on the couch.  Just like we've talked about enjoying yourself when you're out, we need to enjoy ourselves at home too.  Take time for comfort, and I don't mean always just plopping mindlessly down in front of the television.  I'm talking about actively creating comfort, meaning doing things to make yourself more comfortable.

Dim the lights, or open the blinds and let the sunshine in, depending on your mood.

Make yourself hot cocoa and sit somewhere relaxing while you enjoy it.

Light a candle. 

Or open a window and let a fresh breeze blow in.

Enjoy being at home; make it someplace you really enjoy.  Change the things you don't like about it.  Make it your little safe haven.  Simple things really do make a difference; a really loved blanket on the couch to cuddle up with when you sit down. 

Set up a little corner where you can read, write, study or get on the internet with everything you need within arms reach.  Wear comfortable clothing while you're at home.  Occasionally go out with the sole purpose of buying something to make your home more lovable to you.

A soft rug maybe?  Beautiful flowers?  Something abstract and fun that makes you laugh? (Think--Lorelai's Monkey Lamp.  For me, it's my oversized purple glass grapes!)

I always loved that quilt hanging on the wall at the bottom of the stairs in Lorelai's house.  She's always running up and down the stairs and I always notice how homey it feels. 

Snuggle in at home while you're there.  Design it, adjust it and decorate it with your likes, dislikes and habits in mind.  Lorelai hated washing dishes so she found a system to minimize dishes as much as possible (e.g. ordering takeout and using plastic and paper).  Make your home work for you.  Snuggle in and enjoy it there. 

Parting note:  Snuggle in, but not for too long!  Gilmore Girls are always off doing and become, so just enjoy yourself while you're there and then be ready to get going again.  You know, take a walk, explore your own town, frequent "your" places.   

It's the little moments that make all the difference! 

Welcome to your own house in  your own Stars Hollow.

Frequent the Same Places - Think Luke's Diner

Don't you love how Luke's Diner is Lorelai and Rory's second home?  They just throw their stuff down on the floor and sink into their chairs, like they are sinking into their own couch!  Episode after episode, we start to feel like that about Luke's Diner too.  I feel like I could walk in, sink into my chair, and order something fantastic after a long stressful day. 

Even though you  probably live in bigger town and have many more options of where to go, you can create that little bit of Stars Hollow/Luke's Diner feeling by finding someplace you like and making it "your place".  Go there often.  Be friendly.  Take a few minutes to relax before you leave.  

Meet up with friends once a week at your favorite bakery. Stop everyday on your way home from work somewhere to decompress before getting home.  Pick a few restaurants you love and go regularly.  These places become "yours" and you become just as homey and familiar to them as they will to you.  I remember how much we loved the regulars when I worked at a restaurant.  In fact, when I visit my old town, I often see those regulars and I remember their names and exactly what they used to order even though it's been over ten years!  When I see them, I smile because they are so familiar to me. 

Create this type of comfort for yourself by going regularly to the same places.  Sit down and relax.  Slow down.  Notice the people around you.  Take in the atmosphere, whatever it is.  Smile.  Enjoy.  Welcome to your Luke's Diner!