Make Room For New Stages and New Stuff

Rory and Lorelai.

I love that they are always shopping, acquiring stuff, saving stuff, and reminiscing as they look through their old stuff.  There are also periodically these times when they realize that they have to sort through it all and let some go to make room in their lives for new stages.  Remember when they had all the bags of stuff in their living room for the town rummage sale?  Watching them struggle to get rid of obsolete things that had memories attached perfectly captured what we all go through as we try to let go of things.   

It's a process and usually we just need to let go of a little at a time, just the things that have no value for us anymore.  Think of the scene when Rory walks into her room and her mom had taken down all the Harvard stuff and replaced it with Yale, allowing their lives to go in that new direction. 

But other times, it really is time to get rid of everything.  Remember when they are trying to clear out the garage and it's full of so much old stuff?  I love when Rory is so excited to see an old stuffed animal and then it starts moving because it's full of bugs or something.  Yuck!  They kept getting excited about things they saw in there until they realized it was all pretty worthless. 

It's seems so funny that they kept it in there for all those years, but really that's how most of us are too.  It's hard to let go, but look at what happened once they did.  They made room for new stages.  That garage, once emptied, became a new space which hosted Luke's boat, became a crafty place for Lorelai during a transitional period, and home to Lane's band; all passing but important stages.
   
Sort your stuff.  All the things we hold on to represent stages, people or issues we are also holding on to in our lives.  Don't hold on to things that have negative energy or memories associated with them.  Only keep things you love or that you use.  Keep things that represents who you are now and where you are headed.

Sometimes the best thing about sorting your stuff is that you find things that you do love, but have forgotten about.  Also, the more old obsolete stuff you get rid of, the more space you have to go find new things you love right now; a perfect excuse to go shopping!

Show Up

I just got back from a big celebration for a couple who was finally able to adopt a baby.  I was surrounded by a hundred beautiful, wealthy, confident, loud, high-energy, smart people busy enjoying their lives and living their dreams.  These are people I love, respect, am slightly jealous of, and quite intimidated by; they are my relatives.  Very Logan Huntzberger-type people whose lives and mouths are all going the speed of Gilmore Girls dialogue and I'm usually standing there with my head spinning, thinking and speaking at the speed of Megan (that's me) - slower; wanting to keep up (in many ways), but not quite there.  

But I showed up.

People have said it different ways (i.e. Woody Allen), but my whole life I have said, "half of life is showing up" because your life doesn't begin and nothing happens until YOU SHOW UP.  Sure, once you show up in your life, to an event or in a new place you then have to do something, but half the battle is won at that point.

Lorelai is our exemplar for showing up.  She shows up, and thus things happen, which is what we love about her, about Stars Hollow, and about Gilmore Girls in general.  We love that STUFF HAPPENS.  It all starts with showing up.  She shows up at town meetings and celebrations, in conversations and disagreements, in decisions and relationships.  She shows up when it's uncomfortable (e.g. Friday night dinners, Luke's when reconciliation is needed). 

Just showing up in Stars Hollow when she left home was huge.  That was the beginning of everything.  She didn't have all the answers, didn't know exactly what she would do, but by packing up, leaving, and showing up in Stars Hollow she opened the way; by trusting herself to figure it out and giving herself the chance to become who she wanted to be she is living her life the way she wants to.   

Show up in your life.  Just go to things.  Something.  Anything.  That's the beginning.  Participation and growth will come when you're ready.  Intimidation and discomfort will lessen.  Show up around the people and in the places and situations you want to be part of. 

You, your life, and your dreams are as valuable as you decide they are (think Logan again here) so decide now that you and yours are worth it, and then show up so things can start happening.  

        

Shop Local Whenever Possible - Support Luke's Diner and Doose's Market

Imagine Lorelai and Rory walking around Walmart. 

Fine, right? 

But it doesn't give you that magical, homey feeling that you get when they are at Doose's Market with their little basket, bumping into everyone in town.  And eating at McDonald's is never going to be quite as charming as eating at Luke's.

Of course, I understand that we can't always shop local, and I'm sure the Gilmore Girls didn't either.  I'm just saying that when you can, do it!  If no one ever went to Luke's or Doose's they would go out of business and a Rite Aid or Walgreens would move in instead.  Fine, right?  But not quite the Stars Hollow we are looking for.  When you support the local businesses in your own area, you are helping preserve a little more Stars Hollow in the world.

(*And just a note, if there aren't local shops you can support, then by all means, go the Walgreens or whatever, and apply the things we have already talked about:  learn people's names, go regularly, get familiar and make it yours.  Slow down, sit, notice the people, the music, the colors, the pace, and the mood.) 

Yes, things might be a little more expensive at a locally owned place, but it's worth the price!  And it might take a little more time and effort to seek out and enjoy these places, but you will be glad you did.  We need to slow down and explore a little more anyway.   

Think of all the enchanting small towns you've ever been to.  Even if they were just tourist towns, they felt different because they weren't just full of big box stores.  We all love the convenience and savings of cheap, big stores, but we are on this blog together because WE LOVE INTIMACY!  We love the intimate shops, restaurants and people in Stars Hollow. 

The places you go won't be perfect, and probably won't feel much like Stars Hollow at first.  But keep choosing to go to those places and over the weeks, months, and years they will become your Stars Hollow.  You will start to become more familiar with the local faces of your community this way too.    

Take note of local grocery stores, restaurants or bakeries today as you drive around!  And then make plans to stop and check one of them out this week.  While you are wandering around inside, smile and think of yourself discovering your Stars Hollow for the first time, like Rory and Lorelai wandering into town for the first time. 

They probably thought Stars Hollow was a little funky and less than perfect at first too, but it became "their place" over time, and so will your Stars Hollow.  The more you look for the interesting, the quirky, the beautiful, and the good, the more you will start to enjoy the life you are living right now and see the Stars Hollow in it.           

Be Yourself

We love Lorelai, we love Rory, and we love everyone else in Stars Hollow, and we love them because they are so uniquely themselves!  Think of Babette and Morey.  Can you imagine if they were your neighbors?  They are actually so weird and crazy but we love them just how they are!

So the point is that we don't want a million copycat Lorelais, right?  Make sure you are trying to be YOU and not trying to be Lorelai or Rory.  Our Stars Hollow will come to life as we learn how to love ourselves and BE OURSELVES in the things we do everyday.  It's smiling and letting go of our inhibitions about who we are, enjoying ourselves, and sharing ourselves with others.   

Aren't we glad there's a Kirk and a Luke and that they are so incredibly different?  We are glad there's a YOU too!  Get to know yourself.  You are just as interesting, quirky, and awesome as Lorelai Gilmore.

Just be you in the story of your life.  Your Stars Hollow will be glad you finally showed up!       

The First Steps into Your Stars Hollow - Chapter One

How is your Stars Hollow coming together? 

Here is a list of the things we have started doing so far to add Stars Hollow magic to our lives.  Remember that nothing will change in the way our lives are going if we don't change some of the things we are doing!  Make a few notes to yourself of what things you want to try this week.  Your life is going on right now!  What are we waiting for?

Let's get going on these things today!  Stars Hollow isn't out of reach.   

• Walk whenever you can....like Rory and Lorelai walking all over Stars Hollow...you'll get to know your Stars Hollow more intimately and it will encourages others to do the same. 
• Explore what your town has to offer; you will be surprised what funny things you find!  Think of Kirk showing films at the library.  Show up to the things that people already have going on and enjoy the less than perfectness of it all .
• Learn peoples names that you regularly see at stores, libraries, coffee shops, school, work or anywhere you go regularly.  This helps you begin to be connected to the people in your own little Stars Hollow world, even if you live in the middle of a big city.  When people, places and events become familiar and homey to you, your daily life starts to become your Stars Hollow.
• Frequent the same places, like the Gilmore Girls going to Luke's Diner.  When you go to the same places regularly, you will start to make that place a fun little part of your life, and you become of part of its life too!  It becomes a third place for you.  Somewhere for you to stop and reflect on how your life is going.   
• Seize the Day...have some fun!  Be responsible most of the time, but sometimes be like Lorelai (or Kirk, or Sookie, or Lane...think purple hair) and just follow your emotional states and do what you really want to do.  This could be playing hookie for the day or letting your kids do the same when really needed and spending some time together instead.  Or this could mean ordering take out from 3 places and just watching movies until you fall asleep.  And try new things!    
• Sit down!  Everyone in Stars Hollow likes to sit down and take everything in.  They always sit, think, process, talk.....it all starts with the act of sitting.  Try it and you'll be surprised how fast it slows your world down to a Stars Hollow pace.  Start looking for places you can just sit down for a few minutes throughout your day...it doesn't have to be in a gazebo or on a hay bale, though that would be awesome! 
• Make your home more comfortable to you.  It's yours.  Make it just how you like it.  Enjoy your time at home, and then get out and do something!  
• Twinkle lights - add some mood lighting to your life.  Don't wait for someone else; create a romantic atmosphere just for yourself any day and anytime. 
• Really start living your life.  What are you waiting for?  Start living today like you are acting out your fairytale dreams.  Worlds biggest pizza for your birthday party?  Why not try and see just how big you can make one!  Want to open your own business?  Take the first step today; check out an entrepreneur book from the library.  Plan a party of your dreams.  Learn to do something you've always wanted to do.  
• Make the most of the friendships you have, and spend time making new ones when needed.  Show up for the people you care about.  Don't spend so much time in virtual worlds (FB, blogs, Internet in general) that you miss out on your own life.  Being connected to people in reality and spending time around people is what will bring your Stars Hollow to life.          

Enjoy What You Have Now - Think Rory's Time Before College or when Luke and Lorelai are actually Together

The best moments on Gilmore Girls for me were the times when Luke and Lorelai were together and good, and when Rory and Lorelai were together and good.  Especially now, when I am watching for the 100th time and I know what's coming and that they won't always be together, I really take it in and enjoy the good times when they have each other. 

So after writing yesterday about comfortable connected friendships, I realized that I already have much of what I'm always saying I want!  I'm always wishing for this magical little place (distant and in the future) with connected people and cherished, familiar friendships and then I spend some time with my friends today and think, wow, I need to just enjoy what I have right now: great friends.  Of course, I could probably use a little work on being a better friend and that may be what would bring me a little closer to that Stars Hollow feeling I'm always looking for. 

It's that waiting thing again...waiting for when I'm ready to do things right and really start living and acknowledge that this is my life, my time.  We need to take who we are, where we are, and all the people and things going on in our life right now and make the most of them.  Let go of the people and things that drain your energy and enthusiasm; focus on the ones that make you happy. 

Our lives come in stages and chapters, and not one of them is going to last forever.  The joy comes in being here 100% in what's going on in your story now. 

My husband and I are getting ready to move from a quiet Idaho town to the East Coast in a few months and I'm so excited about the beautiful little New England town we are moving too and all the adventures we will have there, but am I taking in the finale of this chapter?  I will have lived this town for almost three years when we move, and I have to admit that I spent most of the time wishing we were somewhere else.  And yet, while here, my husband went back to school after ten long years, we started to pursue new dreams for our future, my 2 year old son and 10 month old son were both born beautifully and magically into my arms at home, and I have spend time with some of the best people I have ever known. 

Wishing away our time is not very Stars Hollow-like! 

People in Stars Hollow are so content in the moment, whatever they are doing at that time.  Think of Kirk and his hundreds of different jobs.  He's so happy just doing what he's doing at the time!  I love how Lorelai and Rory took advantage of every last second they had together when they knew she would be going to school soon.  Their story is saturated with the memories they have made together every day of their lives in whatever stage they were in at the time.  I love when they talk about their memories of Rory's birthday parties growing up, or how a certain town events went 4 years ago.  They are always showing up for their life, in whatever stage they are in, and so they have the sweet memories to help them move bravely into the future. 

What's good in your life today?  Who are you grateful to know?  Could you be making more of it? 

Chances are this stage won't last forever, so write in some great adventures while the book is still open to this page!      

      

Comfortable Connected Friendships - Find a Sookie or be a Sookie

Don't you love how connected everyone is in Stars Hollow?  I especially love Sookie and Lorelai's friendship with each other.  They seem to know each other better than they know themselves.  They are always showing up for each other.  They aren't just polite adult friends (think Emily Gilmore and her friends), they are real friends!  Part of the magic of Stars Hollow is how connected people seem to their friends. 

Sometimes I really miss connection.

Yes, I have great friends, I am married, I have kids, I go to church, I get on Facebook and read peoples blogs.   

I am talking about the kind of connection I haven't had in ten years (yes...I was only 17 at that time)!

As crazy as those teenage years were, we always had time for our friends!  It seems like we were always cheering someone up, making someone feel special, stopping by to visit, giving each other rides, lending each other clothes, leaving a note on someone's car, sharing how excited, in love, or heartbroken we were, celebrating someone's birthday or achievement, spending the night, eating out, sneaking out, trying out, and countless other things together.   

I so miss the days when people just stopped by each other's houses, whether it was friends to see my mom, friends to see me, neighbors saying hi or kids selling rocks (okay, that was me, but 20 years ago). 

Times have changed and now we get on Facebook to say hi to our neighbors, if we know them at all!  We send a text saying "hope everything is all right" to a friend in need instead of driving to her house, knocking on the door, and inviting yourself in to work through whatever is going on with her.

Really, how boring would Gilmore Girls have been if Sookie and Lorelai would have texted each other with a lame "hope everything is fine" instead of every time they showed up for each other?

I love that they were those type of girlfriends that most of us have forgotten how to be.  They care about each other enough to tell each other the truth when needed, like when someone is doing things to hurt themselves without knowing it, or they really are just wrong. 

I love that they  really know each other.  I think a lot of us as adults start to feel after awhile, "does anyone really know me anymore?"  Sometimes we aren't even sure if we know ourselves.  We can lose ourselves in our work, in raising our kids, or our other responsibilities.

When we have healthy, vibrant connections with kindred spirits we are able to live more passionate beautiful lives.  We blossom as individuals, which makes us better moms, wives, employees, etc.

We need to keep growing.

We need friendships. 

Healthy ones.  Growing ones.  Old friendships are fine, if they are still alive and growing.  If not, you need to make new ones, or add life back to the ones you have.

Start by being  a good friend.  Call, show up, remember what's going on for them, celebrate them, pay attention when things don't seem right with them, spend time with them, surprise them. 

Don't force a friendship that isn't meant to be.  We all change and sometimes it's okay to move on and let your memories be. As you reach out, you will be able to feel if this person wants to be as connected as you do.  Don't be hurt if the feeling isn't mutual.  You just had practice at being a kind and caring human being.  But don't keep pouring yourself into a relationship that isn't mutually felt or beneficial.  It will be worth it to keep looking and find your Sookie.   

Sometimes it really is time to make new friends for the stage of life you are in now. There are some friendships that are meant to last a lifetime, and if that's the case, it's time you start enjoying that friendship for all it is meant to be.

Sookie adds that sweet feeling of HOME to Gilmore Girls.  She is caring, bubbly, and funny.  She is open and honest.  She bakes yummy food.  She is just so herself and lights up a space with her big smile.  In this fast, impersonal world we all need some Sookie!  Whether we find an amazing individual who brings some of that homemade cookies feeling  to our lives or we work on becoming more of that type of a friend, it's going to make our Stars Hollow that much sweeter. 
      
Do something today.

Do something to make your life feel warmer and sweeter by being the type of connected friend who shows up in the story of our own lives. 

Really, what is life without friends to love and laugh with?     

(And it WILL make you a better wife, mother, writer, doctor, lawyer......you will have more of yourself to share and more to give all around.)