Comfortable Connected Friendships - Find a Sookie or be a Sookie

Don't you love how connected everyone is in Stars Hollow?  I especially love Sookie and Lorelai's friendship with each other.  They seem to know each other better than they know themselves.  They are always showing up for each other.  They aren't just polite adult friends (think Emily Gilmore and her friends), they are real friends!  Part of the magic of Stars Hollow is how connected people seem to their friends. 

Sometimes I really miss connection.

Yes, I have great friends, I am married, I have kids, I go to church, I get on Facebook and read peoples blogs.   

I am talking about the kind of connection I haven't had in ten years (yes...I was only 17 at that time)!

As crazy as those teenage years were, we always had time for our friends!  It seems like we were always cheering someone up, making someone feel special, stopping by to visit, giving each other rides, lending each other clothes, leaving a note on someone's car, sharing how excited, in love, or heartbroken we were, celebrating someone's birthday or achievement, spending the night, eating out, sneaking out, trying out, and countless other things together.   

I so miss the days when people just stopped by each other's houses, whether it was friends to see my mom, friends to see me, neighbors saying hi or kids selling rocks (okay, that was me, but 20 years ago). 

Times have changed and now we get on Facebook to say hi to our neighbors, if we know them at all!  We send a text saying "hope everything is all right" to a friend in need instead of driving to her house, knocking on the door, and inviting yourself in to work through whatever is going on with her.

Really, how boring would Gilmore Girls have been if Sookie and Lorelai would have texted each other with a lame "hope everything is fine" instead of every time they showed up for each other?

I love that they were those type of girlfriends that most of us have forgotten how to be.  They care about each other enough to tell each other the truth when needed, like when someone is doing things to hurt themselves without knowing it, or they really are just wrong. 

I love that they  really know each other.  I think a lot of us as adults start to feel after awhile, "does anyone really know me anymore?"  Sometimes we aren't even sure if we know ourselves.  We can lose ourselves in our work, in raising our kids, or our other responsibilities.

When we have healthy, vibrant connections with kindred spirits we are able to live more passionate beautiful lives.  We blossom as individuals, which makes us better moms, wives, employees, etc.

We need to keep growing.

We need friendships. 

Healthy ones.  Growing ones.  Old friendships are fine, if they are still alive and growing.  If not, you need to make new ones, or add life back to the ones you have.

Start by being  a good friend.  Call, show up, remember what's going on for them, celebrate them, pay attention when things don't seem right with them, spend time with them, surprise them. 

Don't force a friendship that isn't meant to be.  We all change and sometimes it's okay to move on and let your memories be. As you reach out, you will be able to feel if this person wants to be as connected as you do.  Don't be hurt if the feeling isn't mutual.  You just had practice at being a kind and caring human being.  But don't keep pouring yourself into a relationship that isn't mutually felt or beneficial.  It will be worth it to keep looking and find your Sookie.   

Sometimes it really is time to make new friends for the stage of life you are in now. There are some friendships that are meant to last a lifetime, and if that's the case, it's time you start enjoying that friendship for all it is meant to be.

Sookie adds that sweet feeling of HOME to Gilmore Girls.  She is caring, bubbly, and funny.  She is open and honest.  She bakes yummy food.  She is just so herself and lights up a space with her big smile.  In this fast, impersonal world we all need some Sookie!  Whether we find an amazing individual who brings some of that homemade cookies feeling  to our lives or we work on becoming more of that type of a friend, it's going to make our Stars Hollow that much sweeter. 
      
Do something today.

Do something to make your life feel warmer and sweeter by being the type of connected friend who shows up in the story of our own lives. 

Really, what is life without friends to love and laugh with?     

(And it WILL make you a better wife, mother, writer, doctor, lawyer......you will have more of yourself to share and more to give all around.)

Zumba Anyone? Followup to Carpe Diem - Think Lorelai Here!

I tried Zumba tonight, again. 

Have you heard of Zumba? 

This is what it says on their website, "Are you ready to party yourself into shape? That’s exactly what the Zumba^® program is all about. It’s an exhilarating, effective, easy-to-follow, Latin-inspired, calorie-burning dance fitness-party^™ that’s moving millions of people toward joy and health."

Hmmm....easy-to-follow?  I don't think so.  But it was fun. 

This is something completely not within my comfort zone, but I'm stretching myself here!  I'm the self-conscious girl who can't dance or sing at all, so you should have seen me trying to swing my hips, shimmy and shake my bum.  Actually, you're really lucky you didn't!  My hips don't move, I'm not even sure how to shimmy and I have no idea how people get their bum to shake in a cool dance way instead of a jiggly fat girl way. 

But it was fun.  Silly, kinda dorky.
 
But I showed up.

I'm going to keep showing up in my life, trying new things and creating the life and fun I need and deserve. 

Who knows?!  Zumba today, maybe belly dancing tomorrow!  Ha ha.  I want to have a full resume of experiences when I leave this life!  Zumba, check! 

What do you want to try?  Or maybe, more importantly, what makes you so uncomfortable that you should try? 

Carpe Diem - Seize the day!  Think - Lorelai and Rory backpacking across Europe, or working out in the gym with Logan and Luke in Martha's Vineyard; both backpacking and working out in a gym, not really their thing, but they are awesome because they went anyway.  Maybe not everyday, and maybe not again, but hey, seize the day.  Do something!  When you try everything, you start to know exactly what you like and who you are! 

To live a three-dimensional life in a three-dimensional space (our Stars Hollow) we have to add depth to ourselves by pushing through our inhibitions on a regular basis and finding the unending appetite for adventure and passion for living inside of us.      

Original Post: Carpe Diem - Think Lorelai Here!

Do Things For Real -- Think Lorelai's Parties

Go all out.  Decorate.  Make the details happen.  Bring your daydreams to life! 

Find reasons to celebrate! 

Your life and the people you love alone are worth celebrating!

Most of us are always WAITING!  Waiting for our REAL lives to begin.  We just kind of do the minimum, waiting for when we have the circumstances we think will mark the beginning of our lives.  To find your Stars Hollow, you've got to do things the way you dream they would be right now today. 

Throwing a baby shower or birthday party?  Do it right!  Right - meaning the way you want it to really be.  You can do it.  You can be creative.  You can decorate, hire a decorator, or delegate to a friend!  You can get music exactly the way you want it.  You can pick a really cool place.  No money?  Be creative...find a beautiful park, yard or public building.  You can think of the details that will make it shine and make it happen.  See the satisfaction that comes from creating the type of cool experiences and memories you watch all the time on Gilmore Girls and wish for in your own life.   

You have the power to create those types of events and memories.  Whether it's your anniversary, your 2 year olds birthday party or lunch with your friends.  Just don't be waiting until you have more money or are more settled to be who you really want to be.  Everything you need you already are!  It doesn't take anything outside of you.  It's you believing that you deserve to enjoy your own life. 

Plan it out.  Have confidence in yourself.  Learn from your mistakes.  What was lacking this time?  Do it even better next time.  Find reasons to celebrate your life and then do it just how you want to.  No, it won't go perfectly, and that's part of the fun.  The point is that you are making your life happen and filling it with memories that you are choosing to make. 

A big smile on your face while you are enjoying creating what's in your mind is the sign you are on the right track! 

And always remember, a few twinkle lights can only help!  

Followup to Twinkle Lights

I picked this up at the store tonight.  My first baby step to creating Stars Hollow lighting in my own life.  It's been twinkling on the counter for hours and I love it. 

Original Post: Twinkle Lights, What More Can I say?!

Twinkle Lights, What More Can I Say?!

Atmosphere and mood. That is such a huge part of what we love about Stars Hollow.  It's beautiful.  It feels magical and romantic.  And I'm pretty sure the millions of twinkle lights are a big part of it.  Any soft lighting really, can have that effect on a space.  Chinese lanterns, paper bags with votive candles, fairy lights.  Even a few soft glowing candles in the kitchen in the evening creates a little magic. 

Get creative.  Start to notice places and ways you could build a little mood by changing the lighting.  We love the mood that is created in Stars Hollow, so we need to start learning ways to create that type of mood in our own surroundings.

Maybe hang twinkle lights around your garden?  

Add a little sparkle and wonder to YOUR Stars Hollow by creating what you love!  And take time to thank the people and businesses that already create this type of beauty and atmosphere in your own community to make sure it continues.


Followups to this post: Followup to Twinkle Lights

Followup to Sit - Think Lane and Rory in the Gazebo

So a little followup post. 

I sat. 

It had been a long day.  It was 8:00 p.m. and I hadn't found anyplace to do what I had written about in my post.  I was at the gym, a very un-Gilmore Girls place, and as I was rushing out after my workout I saw a chair. 

There it was, right by the front desk where you scan your keys to check in.  And I did it.  I sat down, pulled out my purse and started playing with my phone, my planner and anything else I could do to deal with the anxiousness I was feeling.  I stayed with it.  After a few minutes of messing around with my stuff, I started to relax.  I looked up more and more.  I listened in on a few conversations going on.  I realized these people weren't as intimidating as I had thought.  They were just people.  Kind of goofy, down-to-earth, very Stars Hollow-like.

I took a little ownership of one of the places I rush around to everyday by just sitting my butt down there and getting comfortable with it.

Conclusion: Sit-Think Lane and Rory in the Gazebo gets 5 stars!  Very effective in helping to create my own Stars Hollow.  Happy Sitting!        


Original Post:  Sit - Think Lane and Rory in the Gazebo

Snuggle In at Home - but not for too long

I just woke up to a rainy, cool, overcast day and I immediately thought of the Gilmore Girls in sweaters and bunny rabbit slippers curled up in blankets on the couch.  Just like we've talked about enjoying yourself when you're out, we need to enjoy ourselves at home too.  Take time for comfort, and I don't mean always just plopping mindlessly down in front of the television.  I'm talking about actively creating comfort, meaning doing things to make yourself more comfortable.

Dim the lights, or open the blinds and let the sunshine in, depending on your mood.

Make yourself hot cocoa and sit somewhere relaxing while you enjoy it.

Light a candle. 

Or open a window and let a fresh breeze blow in.

Enjoy being at home; make it someplace you really enjoy.  Change the things you don't like about it.  Make it your little safe haven.  Simple things really do make a difference; a really loved blanket on the couch to cuddle up with when you sit down. 

Set up a little corner where you can read, write, study or get on the internet with everything you need within arms reach.  Wear comfortable clothing while you're at home.  Occasionally go out with the sole purpose of buying something to make your home more lovable to you.

A soft rug maybe?  Beautiful flowers?  Something abstract and fun that makes you laugh? (Think--Lorelai's Monkey Lamp.  For me, it's my oversized purple glass grapes!)

I always loved that quilt hanging on the wall at the bottom of the stairs in Lorelai's house.  She's always running up and down the stairs and I always notice how homey it feels. 

Snuggle in at home while you're there.  Design it, adjust it and decorate it with your likes, dislikes and habits in mind.  Lorelai hated washing dishes so she found a system to minimize dishes as much as possible (e.g. ordering takeout and using plastic and paper).  Make your home work for you.  Snuggle in and enjoy it there. 

Parting note:  Snuggle in, but not for too long!  Gilmore Girls are always off doing and become, so just enjoy yourself while you're there and then be ready to get going again.  You know, take a walk, explore your own town, frequent "your" places.   

It's the little moments that make all the difference! 

Welcome to your own house in  your own Stars Hollow.

Sit - Think Lane and Rory in the Gazebo

Today, stop and sit down. 

Find someplace in your travels to just stop.  Out grocery shopping or going to Target today?  I dare you to sit on one of those benches right inside or outside the doors.  Just for a few minutes.  Or stop at the park on your way home.  Find somewhere to sit: a bench, steps, a swing, the grass, a hammock.  The couch or lawn furniture displays at the store could totally count.

It's a forced time out. 

Think Lane and Rory in the gazebo, catching up for five minutes. 

Or Lorelai and Rory sitting on the hay bale when they were too tired to walk any further. 

In Stars Hollow, people stop and sit all the time.  It's hilarious.  Lorelai and Rory or Sookie and Lorelai will be talking and they just stop and sit down in the middle of town!  How often do we see that or do that?  It gives them time to process, think things through, and keeps them connected to everything around them.  It seems to be second nature to everyone in Stars Hollow to just stop and sit down. 

Now for us, it may takes some adjusting.  You'll probably feel a little uncomfortable at first.  We're used to going at the speed of light all day.  Just stay with it a minute.  You'll get better.  Let the anxiety come and then watch it go.  Sit there and enjoy the awareness that settles in next.  Give it time.  Practice whenever possible.  B-line for the bench at the mall or on the sidewalk.   

Most days I'm in such a hurry, I don't even stop to breathe. Today, however, when I went outside to put the kids in the truck, there was a wet misty cloud surrounding my neighborhood and it just made me stop.  I woke up to my life, going on right then and there.  My body, mind and spirit connected with the moment and my surroundings.  I felt the magic of Stars Hollow, my Stars Hollow.  I was surprised when I felt it.  I loved it.     

Sit.

Take in the atmosphere.  Breathe it in.  Let your senses wake up and your body connect with the life and energy around you as you force a time out.  If you're with your kids, all of you can stop and sit on a bench.  They'll probably think it's fun.  If not, let them run around the park and you can climb to the top of the monkey bars and sit there.  Sometimes we have to tune them out for a moment while we reconnect with reality. 

Wherever you are, look around.  Find something familiar in your line of sight and enjoy that it's part of your world.  Look for something you never noticed before.  You will continue to be surprised at how full and wonderful the life in you and around you already is.  Sometimes we just need to sit down and take it all in.


Followups to this post:  Followup to Sit-Think Lane and Rory in the Gazebo

Carpe Diem! Think Lorelai Here!

Carpe Diem!

Seize the day!  Go shopping, go on a road trip, go order food from ten different places.  Maybe not everyday, but have a Lorelai day or evening once in a while, and just have a good time. 

Be eccentric. 
Have fun. 
Laugh. 
Watch movies until you fall asleep. 
Try something new. 
Wear something outrageous.   
Be spontaneous.

I give you permission to seize the day!  You are usually responsible, taking care of kids all day, or things at work-- and that is great.  But have some good clean fun too.  Reconnect with a friend, spouse, kid, or yourself.  Find your life and passion by giving yourself permission to do something you've always wanted to do. 

What are you waiting for?  Want to go back to school?  Take the first step.  Want to start your own business (i.e. open your own inn or equivalent?)  What do you need to do first? 

This is your life and you can live out loud.  Do something today that pushes through that wall of rules you've made for yourself, and sigh in relief as you set yourself free.  Discover all the potential inside yourself to enjoy your very own life in your very own Stars Hollow, every single day. 

This is your life!

Carpe Diem!

Frequent the Same Places - Think Luke's Diner

Don't you love how Luke's Diner is Lorelai and Rory's second home?  They just throw their stuff down on the floor and sink into their chairs, like they are sinking into their own couch!  Episode after episode, we start to feel like that about Luke's Diner too.  I feel like I could walk in, sink into my chair, and order something fantastic after a long stressful day. 

Even though you  probably live in bigger town and have many more options of where to go, you can create that little bit of Stars Hollow/Luke's Diner feeling by finding someplace you like and making it "your place".  Go there often.  Be friendly.  Take a few minutes to relax before you leave.  

Meet up with friends once a week at your favorite bakery. Stop everyday on your way home from work somewhere to decompress before getting home.  Pick a few restaurants you love and go regularly.  These places become "yours" and you become just as homey and familiar to them as they will to you.  I remember how much we loved the regulars when I worked at a restaurant.  In fact, when I visit my old town, I often see those regulars and I remember their names and exactly what they used to order even though it's been over ten years!  When I see them, I smile because they are so familiar to me. 

Create this type of comfort for yourself by going regularly to the same places.  Sit down and relax.  Slow down.  Notice the people around you.  Take in the atmosphere, whatever it is.  Smile.  Enjoy.  Welcome to your Luke's Diner!   

       

Learn Someone's Name

Hi Kirk.  Hi Patty.  Hi Luke.  Hi Taylor.  Hi Babette. 

Have you ever noticed how many times they repeat each others names when they are talking to each other?  First a greeting.  Then about ten times during every conversation.  Then the "Bye [insert name here]" to close.  It always makes me laugh.

Greeting everyone by name over and over during the show builds the feeling of closeness and familiarity.  It also makes people feel "seen", which is a nice feeling.  Have you ever been pleasantly surprised when someone remembered your name?  I have.  Last week at church a friendly older man I had met maybe once,or possibly not at all, greeted me by name.  It caught me by surprise, but also made me smile.   

We may not live in a town as small or intimate as Stars Hollow appears to be, but we can built a network of familiarity at the places we go on a regular basis.  Next time you are getting a bite to eat or buying groceries, note the name on the employees name tag and repeat it in your mind a few times. Make a mental association to get it to stick.  Smile, be polite and at some point in the future you might say, "Thanks Jack" as you are handed your change.  People love their own names and it might just make their day. 

Just a side note, kids and pets count too.  If your neighbor is out walking her dog and you are passing by, give the pooch a pat and ask it's name.  Make a note and next time you are passing by say hi to the dog by name.  It may sound silly but you just became a friend and familiar person to your neighbor without much effort.  You don't have to be best friends with everyone, or even like them, but learning who people are and finding ways to communicate that you are aware of each other, like saying hi to Alice at the grocery store, remembering your neighbor's dogs name and asking how he's doing can build that little world of familiarity we are working towards. Make a goal to learn one new name a week. 

By Kirk!  Bye Patty!  Bye [insert name here]!   

Explore Your Own Town

Stop and think about your town, or the immediate area where you live.  Do you know what it has to offer? 

Maybe it has nothing to offer, but you won't know until you check it out!  You are going to be suprised what you find.  And remember, the quirkier the better! This is our very own Stars Hollow we're talking about!  Think, Miss Patty's and Doose's Market. 

Make a list of 5 places you could check out in your town.  A library is a great place to start.  The library can have information about other places and things going on in your community.  How about a visitor's center? A restaurant you haven't been to?  A zoo, museum, park, shopping district, historic district, tour or building, church, community center, YMCA, swimming pool, yoga or dance studio, grocery store, hiking or walking trails?.  It can pretty much be anything or anywhere in your area.  Just pick a few places and check them out. 

While you're at each destination, notice the type of people there, read any information boards, especially at libraries and grocery stores.  You will learn a lot about the types of things going on in your community this way.  You  may meet someone, learn of an event, club or group you are interested in, or find a quiet bench in a park, a cozy couch at a library to curl up and read, or find a hill with a perfect view, or a new restaurant with great food.  After you're done with the first few, check out a few more.  Some of them will be dead ends, but keep exploring and you will find some treasures along the way.  Maybe your library plays movies one evening a week; I know I was surprised to find out mine did.  A little silly, but what fun to do something silly once in a while!     
  
We all tend to make fun of the places we live, while longing for someplace better.  If you get out and explore your own area, and you will find some treasures.  Accept the imperfection of everything around you, and start enjoying what is.  The people surrounding us in our own communities can be treasures in themselves.  Notice the beauty, the quirks and the people living around you!  Keep it up, and you will start to find little pieces of your own Stars Hollow.  

Take a Walk

Ever notice on Gilmore Girls how everyone is walking past each other, bumping into each other around town? 

Whenever possible, walk to your destination.  Or just walk around your block, apartment complex, or a park.  Just walk.  Take in everything around you, slow down and your own streets and neighborhood will come to life.  The world today keeps most of us busy, stressed, and a little numbed out; none of which bring that connection to reality that makes us feel grounded and happy in our everyday lives. Stretch your legs, get some fresh air, and bundle up if you need to! 

When someone walks frequently on the same route, that person becomes familiar to others in their little corner of the world, looking out from their cars, windows and yards.  At first this can make us uncomfortable.  We are used to being anonymous, hiding out in our houses and cars.  We drive instead of walk, and we get on facebook instead of getting outside and socializing with the human beings all around us. 

With time, people, places and things are going to become familiar to you as you walk.  This is going to make a world of difference.  Walk whenever you can and you'll have time to slow down, think, talk, meet people, and start noticing the nice world around you.

Welcome to Your Own Stars Hollow

Stars Hollow is a magical little town from the television series, Gilmore Girls.  I have read many comments on the internet and heard many friends say how much they wish Stars Hollow was a real place.  We all crave more connection, more realness, more "home", and more fun in our lives.  We can have those things if we spend time creating that intimacy in our own communities, families and homes.  Welcome to My Stars Hollow!